365 Days! Seems like yesterday, but also seems like 1,000 years ago!
Time is intriguing…always with us, luring us from one point in life to another as we race at breakneck speed from birth to death, Always there, but only to be lived once.
Time cannot be slowed allowing us to rest during hard times. Nor can it be sped up so we have less pain to endure.
Time just IS, and we are at its mercy.
On January 6, 2022 I drove my husband to the hospital and was sent home alone, not knowing if he would live through the night. I was barred from the ICU. No visitors. COVID protocol. I was spared from hearing alarms and beeps around the clock, yet not spared from wondering what was happening there. Time was a blur.
Minutes passed by unnoticed. Hours, too. Days. Weeks. Time was ticking by and standing still – in unison. Time filled with unknowns. Tension. What ifs. Tears and fears.
In the midst of that passage of time came the familiarity of a verse from my childhood…”For God hath not given ME a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.” Wow. I needed that.
Time passed and the pendulum continued to swing back and forth. Fear. No fear. Fear. Total trust. Fear. Prayers.
I could talk with the nurses and doctors, but I couldn’t BE there. Not being there was harder than I could have imagined. Half of ME was 30 miles away from the rest of ME.
I wrestled with what to share and what to not share. With his mom. With friends and family.
Reality forced me to consider life as a widow, yet as a mom, I forced myself to convey both hope and strength, mixed with the tough truth that their dad was facing uncertain times. Our grown kids forced themselves to offer a glimpse of hope back to me when I needed it from them, too. Their strength was real, as was their fear. We were united in one way – in prayer. We were praying for a miracle! Praying with every ounce of our beings.
COVID pneumonia – “long-haul COVID” – is a nasty diagnosis! One which almost cost my husband his life. My strong, hard-working, physically-fit, 60-something husband was fighting for his life.
Time passed, yet it felt as if it was standing still.
God was our constant. His word, in our memories, kept us moving through time, one step after another.
“God, Turn This Around” became our theme song. “Weary Traveler,” our shared melodic prayer.
Tears were shed in silence and prayers were prayed by thousands. We will forever be grateful to all who spoke to God on Jim’s behalf. He heard our prayers. He answered them with a miracle.
The miracle of life.
The miracle of time.
The miracle of Jim.
Most of the month of January 2022, Jim was in the hospital. I was finally able to be with him after several days. He wasn’t out of the woods, and recovery was slow. He worked hard doing all he could do to get better – to come home. God worked harder.
There are residual issues. Still. Long-haul COVID is exactly that. He still struggles to breathe at times. There are other issues which hadn’t been issues before. But, God is GOOD! All the time!
Why was he spared? Why were others not so fortunate? Those are questions we cannot answer. We live – each day – thankful, but COVID changed us. Forever.
We remember those days one short year ago. Time is not taken for granted anymore. Not by us, at least.
We only have one life to live and the One who determines the length of life – for each one of us – granted Jim more time here on Earth. PTL for my miracle husband.
We are thankful, undoubtedly!
Praying for you both. So sorry that experience entered your lives. Praying each day this year will bring healing and comfort.
Elaine, this is so beautiful and so helpful. Jerry went through a bout with pneumonia last summer (not COVID). An experience like this teaches one to treasure each moment including the ordinary and run of the mill times.